The Question How do you create the best conditions for an authentic yes or no? Why it Matters An authentic yes or no from another person requires specialized conditions—an adequate understanding of the issue, freedom to answer without consequences, and the absence of forces that skew. But sometimes, we ask a question in conditions …
An Authentic Yes or No
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Being Direct
The Question How can being direct diminish—instead of enhance—clarity? Why it Matters Being direct can result in the other person understanding precisely what you mean—there’s no beating around the bush. But it can also result in the other person entirely missing the essential insight. This happens when the needs of the receiver are not …
Belief & Faith
The Question Are the agreements in your core relationships rooted more in belief—or faith? Why it Matters Belief is how we guide the relationship toward what we assume should be. Faith is how we hold space in the relationship for what could be. Belief sets the conditions for asserting control. Faith requires a relinquishing …
Benefit of the Doubt
Elevating Benefit of the Doubt The benefit of the doubt, given thoughtfully, can be the catalyst for expanded creativity and possibility. Rather than relinquishing control, you instead create an enlivened space for someone who is taking the next step. Benefit of the doubt, in its most elevated expression, invites you to embrace the unknown as …
Clarity & Solidarity
The Concept It’s easy to commit deeply to things we are clear and excited about. It’s more difficult to commit deeply to things we disagree with—or things that are murky and partially unknown. This is why it’s important to understand the difference between low-level and high-level solidarity. Low-level solidarity is about committing to pursue something …
Elevating Conversations—Intro
A conversation cannot stand alone. Every word exchanged becomes a piece of a bigger story. Conversations may be intermittent, but they are ultimately ongoing as they slowly carve out the shape of relationships. Elevated conversations involve more than honesty and sincerity—they are fundamentally proactive forces that build forward momentum, always setting up conditions for things …
Elevating Conversations—Unintended Consequences
Subversive conversational habits may appear worth it in the moment. Airing grievances to a sympathetic third party feels cathartic or even justified. Asking a difficult question can trap someone into giving you the information you really want. Divesting yourself from a situation now can relieve you of responsibility if it goes wrong later. These …
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Explicit and Implicit Agreements
The Question Are you more comfortable with explicit or implicit agreements? Why it Matters Explicit agreements are about what we will accomplish together, how we will do it, and agreed-upon terms. Implicit agreements are about a shared intention and unwavering commitment to our sense of what we can realize together—even if we aren’t sure …
Getting in Over Your Head
Getting in over our head can be enabling or disabling. It’s enabling when we rally resources and transcend previous limits. But sometimes, we enthusiastically take something on and then realize we may not be up to the task. Because we don’t want to disappoint the people counting on us, it’s easy to go into denial …
Goals vs. Intentions
The Question What is the difference between a goal and an intention? The Concept Goals are about doing, and most often involve a sequence, timeline, and future point of completion. Intentions are about being, and involve a continuous aspect of consciousness that is always happening in the now. Goals are easier to set than …
Hard Things—Intro
Struggle doesn’t equate to misery. A hard thing can be euphoric and enlivening, even if arduous and painful—which is why we undertake daunting pursuits by choice as well as necessity. We strain and risk and suffer. Ascend what is avoidable and attempt what is unreasonable. The mountain need not be climbed. The moonshot need not …
Hard Things—Understand the Demand
Some pursuits require raw endurance and strength, perfect execution with hundreds of possible single points of failure, or a way around a limitation. Others require you to think differently, spot an errant belief, tackle underground interests, take a costly political stance, or do something unfamiliar. There may or may not be recognition, and others may …
Incubating: Make Space
Spaciousness is a primary ingredient in incubation. If there is no empty place, nothing can emerge and take root. Spaciousness may look luxurious or even like something we don’t deserve. It seems extra—what we do after everything is done. We equate empty intervals with waste or reward. So when pressed, they’re the first thing …
Mistaking Empathy for Agreement
The Concept When we are empathetic and present with people, they may confuse that with agreement on their position. And then when that position is tested, feel betrayed when we don’t have their back in the way they assumed. Part of this rub comes because some people have only experienced intimacy in situations where there …
Questions that Matter Most
One of the evolving tools at the Kaiser Institute, the ExecuDeck, started with 13 cards asking the questions that matter most. Each card was born from something in the moment we saw in a person or an organization—the tool evolved on the fly. The original deck has over a hundred cards now, and the ExecuDeck …
Solidarity vs. Agreement
The Question What is the difference between solidarity and agreement? The Concept Solidarity is about the union arising from common purpose, responsibilities, and interest. It’s the vertical dimension of a team. Agreement is about harmony of opinion and consensus around a course of action. It’s the horizontal dimension of a team. In the healthiest …
Tapping the Cosmic Plenum
The Concept In every domain there is a nearly infinite well of possibility. What we experience in any given circumstance is catalyzed by how we act, feel, think, and know—one permutation brought forth from a superabundant cosmic plenum. But resting just below the surface are infinite permutations that could just as well be. Said more …
Team High Potentials—All for One, One for All
One for All means the interests of the team you are on and the interests of the organization take priority over the interests of the team you lead or your interests. One for All means unwavering support for your team members. One for All means any side conversation you have about another team member would …
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The Alchemist as Nonconformist
As you grow, what becomes real to you will be invisible to others. And what absorbs them may not matter at all to you. You become unlike everyone else—even unlike what you were just a short time ago. Yesterday a thing made sense and seemed worth it. Today it does not. This is how …
The Dilution Effect
The Concept Dilution is sometimes disabling—and sometimes enabling. It’s disabling when it spreads resources too thin or muddies the waters so much that what’s most important is no longer at our focus. Dilution is enabling when it allows us to apply just the right amount in just the right way. Or when it tempers negative …
The Value Exchange
The Concept The best relationships have a value exchange—something essential happens for both people. This is especially important for especially difficult conversations. But often our most vital conversations get increasingly unbalanced as they get increasingly difficult and dense. One person must be right at the expense of the other. One person’s gain implies the other’s …
Spontaneity
The Question Are you as spontaneous as you are planful about the things that matter most? Why it Matters Some things are best accomplished with a good plan. We know what we have to work with, the desired outcome, and the right steps to get from here to there. But some of our biggest …
Turn to the Next Page
When my granddaughter was younger and we were reading together, I would often help her turn to the next page in her storybook. Sometimes she tried to turn two pages at once. Sometimes she had trouble finding the corner of the next page. Sometimes she simply lost her place. Occasionally she got so caught up …
Intuitive Colloquy: The Art of Really Showing Up
The best conversations create a container for the extraordinary. They are spacious, resource rich, and leave the other person with a sense of the conversation that grows over time even if the content of the conversation fades. They are unforgettable. Always seem like more than enough. And are infused with generosity. The best conversations take …
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Joining in the Dance of Creation
For the alchemist, the universe is an invitation to join the dance of creation. By romancing reality, the alchemist creates new pathways and possibilities. The light of her mind guides her to embrace infinite possibility. Her intuition illuminates new connections and reveals potential relationships that escape the beacon of her analytical consciousness. Intuition dwells in …
Why Things Fall Apart—or Together—Over and Over
The element connecting at first glance appears rather mundane and basic. We almost imagine it as putting little blocks or pieces together. Our blocks may be organizations or departments or people of one kind or another. It seems all we need to do is build the channel or dotted lines so information and resources flow …
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Drawing the Line
The Question Describe a situation where drawing the line made things worse. Why it Matters Drawing the line is effective when no other alternatives are available, but often we unnecessarily draw lines when we feel like our authority is being challenged or we sense a loss of control. This reduces degrees of freedom for …
Increasing Personal Efficiency
The journey of the alchemist is a spiritual journey. You might think such an effort would distance you from day-to-day affairs—you might go searching for a cave, become more otherworldly, or drift off into la-la land and become less able to navigate the practical world of mundane existence. The opposite is true. As your …
Goals vs. Intentions
The Question What is the difference between a goal and an intention? Why it Matters Goals are about doing, and most often involve a sequence, timeline, and future point of completion. Intentions are about being, and involve a continuous aspect of consciousness that is always happening in the now. Goals are easier to set …
Plentitude and Awe in the Web of Being
When we embody the element connecting, we experience more of what is around us as part of us. Less feels separate or different. In the worst offender, we feel suffering and seeking, distortion and disconnection not unlike we’ve felt in our self. In the most brilliant being or cosmic intelligence, we feel resonances and bonds. …
Becoming a Director of Your Life Experiences
You are a sum total of your life experiences. You cannot be where you have not been. Experiences expand your consciousness. If you want new qualities of consciousness, you must ask, “in what kind of life space could I develop these qualities?” When you ask this question, answer it, and then seek out the desired …
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Collaboration & Autonomy
The Question How is it possible to be both more autonomous and more collaborative? Why it Matters We often think of autonomy and collaboration in an inverse relationship—with more of the one comes less of the other. But collaboration without autonomy often creates cultures where nobody directs or assumes personal accountability. And autonomy without …
The Alchemist’s World View
Things have more range, more capacity to morph and transform, than we usually realize. This is the most essential idea in alchemy. How something shows up doesn’t mean a great deal. It might look like lead. It may seem dull, invaluable, difficult, or distorted. But it has the potential to become an array of other …
Avoid Front-Loading A Coming Event
Have you ever said, “I really dread that” or “It will be so much fun” or “it will never work” or “I have this in the bag”? If you have said such things, you are front-loading a coming event. This is not a good idea. It may prejudice the outcome. Front-loading can actually alter the …