The Question How do you create the best conditions for an authentic yes or no? Why it Matters An authentic yes or no from another person requires specialized conditions—an adequate understanding of the issue, freedom to answer without consequences, and the absence of forces that skew. But sometimes, we ask a question in conditions …
An Authentic Yes or No
Author Archives: Kevin Kaiser
Being Direct
The Question How can being direct diminish—instead of enhance—clarity? Why it Matters Being direct can result in the other person understanding precisely what you mean—there’s no beating around the bush. But it can also result in the other person entirely missing the essential insight. This happens when the needs of the receiver are not …
Belief & Faith
The Question Are the agreements in your core relationships rooted more in belief—or faith? Why it Matters Belief is how we guide the relationship toward what we assume should be. Faith is how we hold space in the relationship for what could be. Belief sets the conditions for asserting control. Faith requires a relinquishing …
Clarity & Solidarity
The Concept It’s easy to commit deeply to things we are clear and excited about. It’s more difficult to commit deeply to things we disagree with—or things that are murky and partially unknown. This is why it’s important to understand the difference between low-level and high-level solidarity. Low-level solidarity is about committing to pursue something …
Explicit and Implicit Agreements
The Question Are you more comfortable with explicit or implicit agreements? Why it Matters Explicit agreements are about what we will accomplish together, how we will do it, and agreed-upon terms. Implicit agreements are about a shared intention and unwavering commitment to our sense of what we can realize together—even if we aren’t sure …
Getting in Over Your Head
Getting in over our head can be enabling or disabling. It’s enabling when we rally resources and transcend previous limits. But sometimes, we enthusiastically take something on and then realize we may not be up to the task. Because we don’t want to disappoint the people counting on us, it’s easy to go into denial …
Goals vs. Intentions
The Question What is the difference between a goal and an intention? The Concept Goals are about doing, and most often involve a sequence, timeline, and future point of completion. Intentions are about being, and involve a continuous aspect of consciousness that is always happening in the now. Goals are easier to set than …
Mistaking Empathy for Agreement
The Concept When we are empathetic and present with people, they may confuse that with agreement on their position. And then when that position is tested, feel betrayed when we don’t have their back in the way they assumed. Part of this rub comes because some people have only experienced intimacy in situations where there …
Questions that Matter Most
One of the evolving tools at the Kaiser Institute, the ExecuDeck, started with 13 cards asking the questions that matter most. Each card was born from something in the moment we saw in a person or an organization—the tool evolved on the fly. The original deck has over a hundred cards now, and the ExecuDeck …
Solidarity vs. Agreement
The Question What is the difference between solidarity and agreement? The Concept Solidarity is about the union arising from common purpose, responsibilities, and interest. It’s the vertical dimension of a team. Agreement is about harmony of opinion and consensus around a course of action. It’s the horizontal dimension of a team. In the healthiest …
Tapping the Cosmic Plenum
The Concept In every domain there is a nearly infinite well of possibility. What we experience in any given circumstance is catalyzed by how we act, feel, think, and know—one permutation brought forth from a superabundant cosmic plenum. But resting just below the surface are infinite permutations that could just as well be. Said more …
Team High Potentials—All for One, One for All
One for All means the interests of the team you are on and the interests of the organization take priority over the interests of the team you lead or your interests. One for All means unwavering support for your team members. One for All means any side conversation you have about another team member would …
Continue reading “Team High Potentials—All for One, One for All”
The Dilution Effect
The Concept Dilution is sometimes disabling—and sometimes enabling. It’s disabling when it spreads resources too thin or muddies the waters so much that what’s most important is no longer at our focus. Dilution is enabling when it allows us to apply just the right amount in just the right way. Or when it tempers negative …
The Value Exchange
The Concept The best relationships have a value exchange—something essential happens for both people. This is especially important for especially difficult conversations. But often our most vital conversations get increasingly unbalanced as they get increasingly difficult and dense. One person must be right at the expense of the other. One person’s gain implies the other’s …
Spontaneity
The Question Are you as spontaneous as you are planful about the things that matter most? Why it Matters Some things are best accomplished with a good plan. We know what we have to work with, the desired outcome, and the right steps to get from here to there. But some of our biggest …
Intuitive Colloquy: The Art of Really Showing Up
The best conversations create a container for the extraordinary. They are spacious, resource rich, and leave the other person with a sense of the conversation that grows over time even if the content of the conversation fades. They are unforgettable. Always seem like more than enough. And are infused with generosity. The best conversations take …
Continue reading “Intuitive Colloquy: The Art of Really Showing Up”
Drawing the Line
The Question Describe a situation where drawing the line made things worse. Why it Matters Drawing the line is effective when no other alternatives are available, but often we unnecessarily draw lines when we feel like our authority is being challenged or we sense a loss of control. This reduces degrees of freedom for …
Goals vs. Intentions
The Question What is the difference between a goal and an intention? Why it Matters Goals are about doing, and most often involve a sequence, timeline, and future point of completion. Intentions are about being, and involve a continuous aspect of consciousness that is always happening in the now. Goals are easier to set …
Collaboration & Autonomy
The Question How is it possible to be both more autonomous and more collaborative? Why it Matters We often think of autonomy and collaboration in an inverse relationship—with more of the one comes less of the other. But collaboration without autonomy often creates cultures where nobody directs or assumes personal accountability. And autonomy without …